Setting digital boundaries
Outsmarting my smart phone and staying sane with all.the.distractions
Technology is great…except when it isn’t.
More often than not we hear people complain about the grip their smartphones, emails, and digital communications have over their lives. These tools are supposed to make our lives better, but I bet many of us would argue that is no longer the case.
Of course, we are never going back to the way things were. I have a few friends who have decided to revert back to a “dumb phone” (i.e., a flip phone), but most of us like the ability to FaceTime faraway relatives and friends and duck out of work a little early to watch a kid’s soccer game while monitoring emails to make sure nothing urgent with work surfaces. The digital world is not all bad.
I have, however, recognized how quickly my stress can escalate when I am around my devices if I am not careful. Notifications make me jump. A quick email check can send me down a rabbit hole of worry. I can pick up my phone and then entirely forget why I unlocked it in the first place. I do wonder what my children are sensing and taking away as they watch me interact with my devices. I hope that they do not remember a childhood where their parents were tethered to their smartphones all the time. (I also wonder about the long-term effects our cell phone and computer usage will have on our posture and eyesight—yikes. I don’t like thinking about this.)
I have tried to put certain habits in place to limit the hold technology has over my life. Don’t get me wrong: I like a lot of the new, techy things. We have our lightbulbs set on timers. We have smart speakers that can play music and tell us the weather and set timers. But I want to control the technology and not have the technology control me.
Here are disciplines I have adopted over the years that help keep me sane and calm:
The phone is tucked away from dinner until the children are in bed. We may take an urgent call or use the phone to play music while cleaning up the kitchen, but both my husband Dan and I stay off of our phones for this window.
I have disabled almost all notifications. I still get text messages pushed through immediately, but I have disabled notifications for emails, social media, and everything else. For years, I allowed my phone to alert me whenever I had a new email. I had no idea how much that increased my stress until removing that distraction. Now I must intentionally decide to go into my email to check it. This means fewer checks and better time management.
I use some of Apple’s screen time features. I imagine Android has similar options as well, but I’m not familiar with them. I set a designated minute limit for Instagram that I must consciously override, and I have set times for “Do Not Disturb” mode. While in “Do Not Disturb” not even text messages alert me. Emergency calls will get through because I have enable certain contacts to break through this barrier. Repeated call attempts can also be set to break through this setting.
This one may be controversial, but I do not check work email on my days off or after hours. I have let my coworkers know to text me if something comes up, and in my email signature I include my cell number for urgent matters and let folks know the days I will not be checking email. I have found that having protected hours where I am unplugged from work email recharges me. Just because I can easily check work email on my devices does not mean that I should. That leads me to…
I communicate my boundaries and set others’ expectations. People are generally very accommodating and understanding, especially if they know when they will hear back from you.
I always use autoresponders for vacation dates. It is not a vacation if I am triaging emails. Sometimes I go out of town and continue to keep an eye on work remotely, but I do not consider that vacation.
I keep a separate work email inbox. I do not funnel my email accounts to one mail management system. I did this for a time, and I never could shut my brain off. Yes, it is extra steps to go into different inboxes, but I can compartmentalize better that way.
I use a password management system. This is for my peace of mind. I can create complex passwords that are less likely to be hacked and do not have to remember them. I spend less time trying to log into accounts and forgetting my passwords. This also makes household management so much easier because my husband and I can share passwords with each other to joint accounts.
I try for Inbox Zero in texts and emails. I do not like looking at a to-do list in my email inbox. Similarly, texts I prefer to clear out right away. I will file away the message to the appropriate folder. Generally, this is aspirational. I usually have five or so emails in my inbox at any given time, but the fewer, the better.
I set a bedtime alarm. Every day at 8:30 pm, my phone or watch vibrates to notify me that it’s time to start winding down. Sometimes I choose to override or ignore the alarm, but I like the real-time reminder. I am then much more aware if I choose to stay up later.
All right, I would love to know your strategies and tips. Do you feel comfortable with how these digital communication tools fit into your life? Let me know!
I've realized how important it is to set boundaries with technology to stay calm and sane. It's amazing how small changes like disabling notifications and limiting screen time can make a big difference. Excellent work! 🌟👏