As the last week has made abundantly clear, social media seems to be the place to share your personal stance on the world’s biggest problems or it is the place to post pretty food and family photos. Social media paints everything as horrendous or as idyllic. There is not much of an in-between.
My generation of millennials in particular feels the need to take a side on the political issue du jour, which I do not think is always healthy or productive. There can be such pressure to have articulate, well-reasoned commentary on whatever controversy is unfolding, and there seems to be little understanding if some people simply need to take a minute. On the one hand, it does seem strange to be staring at people’s beach vacation pictures when the other side of the globe is unraveling, but on the other hand, writing a fiery accusation about how so many people are wrong rarely leads to changed hearts and minds. Posting on social media can become performative, convincing us that we have done our duty instead of encouraging us to roll up our sleeves and do the real work of talking and trying to get along with human beings we do not like.
I do wonder what it is doing to us as a society if we insist on only sharing our political opinions and highlight reels. I am incredibly guilty of the latter. If you scroll through my social media feed, you see happy, smiling pictures. I am not advocating for posting photos of our toddler’s tantrums or venting about our latest conflict with our boss on social media. There also is an important distinction between what we choose to share online and what we choose to share in person. What we post online lives on in a way that a conversation does not. There is no misremembering about an online post that is just a scroll away. Our online social circles are also much wider than our in-person social circles. It would make sense to hold back in our online spaces. I just hope that the holding back does not translate into cheapening our IRL (in real life) relationships.
So much of how we connect now happens through these online platforms; we learn about each other’s pregnancies and promotions from Facebook or Instagram rather than over lunch with a friend. I like seeing what high school and college acquaintances have been up to, rejoicing over the new babies they add to their families, watching the funny moments that come from parenting little kids. But would my time be better spent having more substantive conversations with a smaller circle instead of quickly sending a heart eyes emoji in response to an acquaintance’s picture?1
The crucial question seems to be what the goal in participating in social media is: Is it connection? How does that happen? Are comments and likes enough? Do we need to know everyone’s stance on every single political matter? I am not advocating to abandon social media altogether here (I most likely won’t). Many of us (myself included) could stand to spend less time on social media and more time actually having coffee with a friend or talking on the phone. The asynchronous nature of social media works for our busy lives, so I think it still has its place. You post when convenient for you and I respond when convenient for me.
I continue to be drawn to longer form writing online because it seems to offer the best kind of digital connection there is. With longer form writing, there is space to include context and nuance. There is space to explore scars and to admit that not everything is picture perfect. There is space to slow down and go just a little bit deeper. I never hit “publish” immediately after writing, and that pause serves me, providing me time to sift through my thoughts.
For me, it has felt right to set up social media limits on my phone to cut me off when I have reached my predetermined threshold. I also spend time on social media following people I do not know to learn about things like home decor and eyeliner application. I prefer social media to be a tool more for education than connection. I would rather schedule FaceTime calls and lunch dates and weekends away with friends and make it a point to really learn about what is going on in a just a few people’s lives…that fills my connection bucket. Instagram and Facebook have become more like a yearbook or scrapbook for me, a way to chronicle fun and picturesque moments, and that is actually more than enough for me.
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I do think there is a distinction in how different generations interact with social media. Baby Boomers seem much more apt to connect in a more meaningful way, whereas subsequent generations rarely comment with more than an emoji.
Thank you, Kaitlynn! I bet we would have lots to share.
Hi Emily!
Thanks for writing this piece! I wrestle with the same thing when it comes to sharing my words on a public platform. My favorite way to connect with people is a long walk. I am confident that you and I would have so much to talk about if we ever went on one!
P.S. God has given me two ✨Sparkle Sisters✨ with the name Emily, so I love your name!